Because I Said So » Blog Archive » Ways My Baby Has Tried To Kill Himself…

Ways My Baby Has Tried To Kill Himself…

…today.

1. Head injury. Pickle can now pull himself up from a sitting position to standing…almost. He’s done it exactly twice and his balance, to put it mildly, sucks. One wobble and BOOM! He’s back down on the ground, and pissed about it. Meaning that Mom’s job is to hover around him and cushion the fall, except when he’s too fast for me. Oops.

(On a side note - any moms of older kids reading this whose kids pulled up sitting–>standing before they mastered lying down–>sitting? Because the Pickle has never once pulled himself into a sitting position. I’m not worried, just curious. How many babies actually go through all the stages of mobility in the “correct” order?)

2. Poison. Pickle likes to play with paper. And by play with I mean chew on. And by chew on I mean eat. And because I’m mean, I try my best not to let him actually swallow any because lord knows what kind of toxic chemicals go into newsprint. The key word being “try.”

3. Electrical fire. Did you know that if you over-microwave a chunk of butternut squash, it will turn into a toxic-smelling black lump that sticks to the bottom of the whatever you had it sitting in? Okay, maybe that one was my fault. But it was supposed to be for his dinner. (He had some pureed peas instead. Gotta get those veggies in somehow! Otherwise, dinner was a teething biscuit, a piece of banana, half an apricot, and some yogurt.)

4. Drowning. My dear darling boy, pulling up in the bathtub is such a bad idea I don’t even know where to begin. Looks like the end of the baby bath for us, which means I need to buy a big squishy bathmat this weekend.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008 at 8:36 pm and is filed under Amusement. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Fran W. Says:
January 26th, 2008 at 10:26 am

zomg Jessica - our fun favorite story is when the sprog chewed off a hunk of a cardboard baby book and almost choked on it. No teeth. We’re in the same room. Watching her. I could almost swear she timed it… despite my guilt reflex. Enough with the jokes about how our kid devours books, ok people?

Oh, and the one where she hid a refrigerator letter magnet under her changing pad and then, when I asked “where did it go?? did you eat it??” nodded. The pediatrician asked what letter it was (a lower case ‘i’) and said we had a 50% chance of it passing straight through, so call in an hour. hmph.

ways they try to kill us, I say.

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